OK, so as I said recently I was chatting to Gary Barlow's (of Take That fame) mum while at the hairdressers. She seemed very nice, although I didn't know it was his mum until she had gone and the hair stylist told me. She probably went home and told her son that she had met a lovely woman at the hairdressers :-) Do you think he might write a song about me?
So, earlier this eveningI was chatting to Nicola Roberts' (from Girls Aloud) mum at a drinks party. She was very friendly but absolutely stickthin. I felt like shoving a few sausage rolls on her plate, she so needed the extra calories!
Anyway, I'm not going to let this mingling with the stars' parents go to my head. Honest. Just send any requests for autographs to my agent.
Next week: A trip to the supermarket with Leona Lewis's mum.
The day before yesterday I made an online purchase that will change my life for the better. It was a new dishwasher knob. Yep, the old one fell off into several pieces and I have had to use a pair of pliers to turn the controls and wash the dishes. But today, my shiny new dishwasher knob arrived in the post and I'm a happy bunny again. Don't forget, that to a person with few outside interests the new knob is v. important. It also means I don't have to spend £300+ on a new dishwasher. Result!
Yesterday I bought a new pair of boots in the sales. Brown leather ankle boots with a wedge heel. I already have the same style in beige suede and they're so comfortable but smart that I was chuffed to buy the new ones at half price. Result!
Today I made a purchase that - as soon as I bought it - I knew was a waste of the £21.45 it cost. While browsing the net I came across a newspaper horoscope from an astrologer who - when I was younger - always seemed accurate to me. I hadn't heard of him for a while, but for some reason felt compelled to buy his year long forecast for me, a Sagittarian born at a certain time in a certain place, during certain celestial patterns in the sky.
The forecast, called Year Ahead: Your Guide to the Future, arrived within seconds of the payment being validated. My, that astrologer works fast.
Within seconds of it arriving in my inbox I had opened the forecast and scanned through all 73 pages of it. 73 pages! I'm pretty sure that if I were so inclined I could find a horological reason for every decision, event or incident that will happen next year. Every single permutation of how I might feel or what I may choose to do is outlined in those 73 pages. For every day next year I could point to a line in the forecast that accounts for whatever happens, because I could read whatever I want into it. The astrologer himself even admits in the foreword that:
"Never forget that you have a choice about what happens in your world. If you want to be happier, you can be... regardless of what it going on in the sky. Likewise, if you are really determined enough to give yourself a hard time, you can probably manage it no matter how bright the astrological influences are!!!"
Well, thanks for that Mr Astrologer. What he doesn't mention is how foolish I would feel after spending £21.45 on his forecast. What a complete waste of money.
Good morning sweetheart, time to get up.
Come on, get up.
Look at the state of your room!
No, you can't have ice-cream/chocolate/sweets for breakfast.
Yes, I know it's Christmas.
Yeah, I am evil, you're right.
Have you brushed your teeth?
Have you really brushed your teeth?
Brush your hair it looks like a bird's nest.
Don't put your hairbrush on the table.
Whose is this?
Why have you left it in the middle of the floor?
Put it away please.
I said, put it away!
It's freezing cold today so put something warm on.
It's not a fashion show, just dress warm.
No, I don't know where your socks are.
I can't hear you.
Still can't hear you.
STOP SHOUTING AT ME! WHY ARE YOU SHOUTING AT ME FROM ANOTHER ROOM? COME IN HERE AND TALK TO ME!
Yes, I know all your friends have one.
I'm not interested in what your friend's parents say.
I'm not having this conversation with you again.
Yep, I know I'm really uncool.
Life's not fair, get used to it.
No, she's not here I'll pass the message on.
What do you fancy for lunch?
No, I'm not buying a McDonalds.
Yes, I know they eat them three times a week but maybe that's why they're fat.
You're just a fussy eater.
Why have you left that?
Put your plates in the dishwasher please.
Oh, are you leaving that for the slave?
Why am I the only person who tidies up around here?
Ok, they're going in the bin.
STOP YELLING AT ME!
Well just put them away then!
Shall I run you a nice warm bath?
I'll be in for a chat in a minute.
Did you have a nice day?
Ooh, you're all nice and warm.
Come and sit with me and have a hug.
Time for bed.
Come on, I've let you stay up late.
Look at the state of this room!
Tidy it up and I won't say how messy it is.
I love you too.
I love you more.