Thursday, 19 November 2009

Things you don't want to hear on a first date

There's a very funny list in the Timesonline of things you shouldn't say - or don't want to hear - on a first date.  Here are a few of them, the longer list is available here:

“I can’t wait to blog about this tonight…”  
“This may sound like a platitude…”
“The pills I’m taking don’t let me think thoughts like that…”
“Sure, it looks like a wedding ring…”
[Proffers photograph] “This is my car/ex-partner/pony…”
“I’m a Sagittarian who is curious about life…”
“Here are my children. Say ‘Hello’, children…”
“It’s not a current restraining order…”
“My therapist always says…”

“You look really familiar. Have we…?”
“Mr Whiskers is so talented…”
“This is great, but I need to establish you’re disease-free…”
“Jesus told me I’d meet someone…”
“Your aura has so much anger…”
“My parents are going to love you…”
“The thing is about being an alpha male…”
“Sure, it looks like herpes…”
“I love you...”

It's been a loooooong time since I went on a date but things that have been said to me on a first date include:
 
"I can offer you three hours of non-stop sex....."  (no, I didn't take him up on his kind offer)
"I'm still in love with my ex-girlfriend...." 
and finally,
"My wife divorced me for unreasonable behaviour...." (reader, I went on to marry, and divorce, him.  I know, I know!)
 
OK, your turn......promise I won't tell anyone.

10 comments:

The Dotterel said...

"I was going to ask Wayne but he was busy..."
It was a long time ago.
I'm over it.
Honest!

thevervepath said...

I was on a first date and he answered his phone in the car. I heard the male voice on the phone ask what he was up to tonight and that he should hit this party. He says he has "plans". Then the other guy says "Sally* will be there". He then says, after a pause, "Oh, well maybe I will catch up with you later"

Ouch... *(name changed)

notSupermum said...

The Dotterel: oooh, that's not playing nice is it?

thevervepath - welcome. Ouch! What did you do?

Nicola said...

Ha ha ha!! Cannot believe your last comment! And the other one liners are great.

I also went on a first date last night (oh God, I will blog about it because Green Eyed Man is still in the picture but I unexpectedly met someone else too...) Luckily non of those one liners were used (although the one about the blog was on the tip of my tongue) and we did end up discussing how many times we'd been in a 3 some!!!!! (me: 0 / him: not 0)

Linda said...

Mine would just be 'can you get your tits out?' (or perhaps I'm just an old romantic)

Sorry to lower the tone!
xx

Shallow Coffee said...

"Can I feel your heartbeat?" And then he promptly tried to grab my breasts.

My heart wasn't in my breasts, but my knee was in his groin.

The Writing Instinct said...

Hi Supermum! I enjoyed reading the list from Timesonline. I don't personally have any dating stories but a friend of mine's date kept receiving calls from his mum who wanted to confirm that he was still on the date...you'd think the stupid man would've turned the phone off!

Good to 'see' you!
Mervat.

notSupermum said...

Nicola - now that's just being greedy! You already have the GEM and now another one! Not sure I want to speak to you again...

Linda - ha! I suppose you have to admire his directness....don't you?

Shallow Coffee - hilarious! So, the question is did you see him again?!

Mervat - hello! Great to see you around these parts again. Your friend's date sounds like a great catch, not.

Diney said...

On my first date ever the spotty teenager said 'you'd be really pretty if you lost weight'

I never saw him again (surprise!) but I did lose weight! He did me a favour, though at the time I wanted the earth to swallow me (and him) up!

Shallow Coffee said...

Sadly, I did end up dating him for a few months. But I was a stupid teenager so it doesn't really count, right?