Following on from my previous post, things have got much, much worse.
My ex-husband brought the girls home early, as expected, and they were both slightly emotional to see me but strangely quiet with it. A few minutes later after their Dad drove away they told me that he had been arguing with his fiancee all morning - over money - and that it had escalated into a huge row just as they were getting into the car to come home. As they pulled away and started the journey the argument continued, their Dad called the fiancee 'stupid' and she demanded that he apologise or she would get out of the car. He refused, stopped the car and she got out. She walked behind the car to go back into the house and suddenly he put the car into reverse and "tried to run her over". The girls were screaming for him to stop and said he only just avoided knocking her over. The car journey home (which takes an hour) was in complete silence.
The Teenager was distraught when she got home, and Tall Daughter was upset but didn't want to talk about it. The Teenager was sobbing so much while telling me what had happened, I can't remember the last time I saw her so upset. She said that she was frightened that he 'might do something stupid' because he can't control his anger. She was worried that he might try to hurt the fiancee, or actually try to kill himself.
I decided to call him. I said that I didn't know what was going on but he had upset the girls, and explained how the Teenager was feeling. He seemed surprised. Why would she think that? I don't know I said, but you need to speak to her and explain that you're not going to hurt anyone.
The Teenager took the phone and I listened as she spoke to him, with the conversation taking a worrying turn where she started apologising to him. "I'm sorry Dad, I'm sorry."
She then gave the phone back to me and he said "this is nothing to do with you, so don't get involved". Don't get involved! "My daughters are involved" I said, "so that makes me involved."
I asked The Teenager why she was apologising to her Dad and she said it was because he explained to her that it wasn't his fault that he got so angry, it was the fiancee's fault. Not his fault....oh good god. He told her that he worked very hard and was trying to make everyone happy and he only got angry when other people made him angry.
When I heard her say this I knew that we were on very dangerous ground. I sat down with her and told her that I know she loves her Dad but there is no excuse - no excuse - for that type of aggressive behaviour. I explained that his aggression and uncontrollable anger was the main reason we separated, something I've never told her before. Amidst her tears she kept saying "but I love my Dad"...and I know she does, but I want her to understand that she can't make excuses for him. That that sort of behaviour is never acceptable and that he is responsible for his own behaviour - nobody makes him do anything. It was hard to tell her these things and she was very, very upset to hear them, but I don't want her to grow up thinking that all men behave like that and that it's normal, because clearly it isn't.
I hate the upset he has caused. I hate the fact he thinks he's completely innocent. I hate his arrogance. I hate the way he behaves in front of my precious girls.
I've said to the girls that they shouldn't go to see him again for a while. They didn't take that very well, and I don't want to be the one to stop them from seeing him, but he is out of order. Completely out of order.
I feel impotent, unable to do anything other than comfort them. He is beyond my reasoning, and if I'm honest I'm still a little afraid of him. I don't know what to do for the best.
