Tuesday, 26 October 2010

Being Single: Online dating, again.

For some reason that I am yet to understand I've decided to have another go at internet dating. Oh God, there, I've said it. This is probably the 20th or so internet site I've joined and I'm running out of dating sites where I've set up a profile and then deleted it in a hurry.  Usually when someone wants to meet me.  Too scary.

I'm still not sure if online dating is for me, but with a shortage of attractive, single men beating a path to my door and the fact that I never go out, it seems like one of the few options open to me. 

I've also been inspired by talking to other people who've met their partners/spouses through online sites, so if it works for some people maybe for me?  I'm trying to convince myself that this is a good idea, because inside I'm absolutely TERRIFIED of even the thought of going on a date.  Going on a date.  Something I just don't do, or at least haven't for over 5 years.  God no, it's more like 6. And a half.

What do people talk about on dates?  What happens if it's just Not Working Out? Emergency phone call from the 'babysitter'?  And what on earth do you wear on a first date?  I don't know, but it all scares the hell out of me and I'm not even sure if it'll come to that stage.

But what is the alternative?  Sitting in the house night after night, wishing I could meet someone? Feeling pangs of envy whenever I see happy couples together?  Going over and over my past relationships in my mind, wondering where it all went wrong?  I know that this cosy little rut I've made for myself is very easy to stay in, but it's very lonely in here.

So, I decided to do this. Again.  I uploaded a recent photo and wrote a chatty, honest profile trying hard not to sound like a desperate bunnyboiler.  Amazingly I received dozens of emails in the first few days. Wow! I'm so popular I thought, until I realised that most of them were so-called icebreakers sent to lots of people at the same time.  Duh.  Oh well.

So far I've exchanged several (non-icebreaker) emails with a few men on the site.   Most people seem genuine, although how do you tell?  Of course I've had a few emails from men in their 20s wanting to meet a 'more mature women', as well as one man who wanted to show me how to 'walk with God'.  And another, persistent man who wants to show me some 'sexy fun time' while I'm waiting to meet Mr Right. But I've also had a few men contact me who have profiles that seem normal.  And last night I actually had a chat on MSN with one of them. Gulp. That's a big step for me right there, chatting online. I would normally have cut and run by now.

And he wants to chat again tonight. He seems normal and intelligent. I'm wondering what to do next. While my finger hovers over the delete account button, I'm wondering whether I'm brave enough for all of this.
At 8pm tonight if /when Mr Possible is waiting to chat on msn I'll know.