Sunday, 10 June 2012
Nowhere to turn
This weekend has been a really difficult one - extremely difficult, and I feel like a complete failure as a parent. But it's also made me acutely aware of how isolated I've become, to the point where I don't have anyone I could turn to. It's at times like this that I really miss the common-sense advice my Mum would give me.
So, instead, I would usually turn to my blog and ask for advice from the many amazing parent bloggers who have helped me in the past.
The reasons for the difficult weekend are, as you might imagine, very personal and I no longer feel the sense of security that once came with writing on here. Since my anonymity was diluted not so long ago I've started to self-edit , and there have been a few times in the past couple of months when I've drafted a post and then decided that no, I couldn't post it.
There's a world of difference between publishing something when you're a so-called anonymous blogger to writing something once your anonymity has been compromised and your neighbours, colleagues or acquaintances being able to read it.
This weekend I've spent some time on the Parent Bloggers' forum on FB and have had some really helpful words of support and advice, but I still miss being able to use my blog for exactly this sort of thing.
I'm torn between closing down this blog altogether and starting afresh, or just maintaining it and keeping it a bit less personal. Either way, it's not ideal. I've worked hard on this blog for 4 years and I'm not sure if I want to start again, but then again I loved it when I was anonymous and could write pretty much anything. It was my santuary, my safe place to rant and rave, and it's probably saved me a fortune in therapy sessions, and I really miss that.
One thing is certain: things can't go on as they are, both at home and on here.