Friday, 30 October 2015

Reasons to be cheerful this week #R2BC

I thought I'd join in with this week's Reasons to be Cheerful linky over on Becky's blog.  I've got three reasons this week:

1. Autumn leaves

Is it just my imagine or have the autumn leaves this year been particularly colourful and vibrant? The weather has been perfect for dog walkers: bright, sunny and not too hot - and is there anything more uplifting than a long walk when autumn is in full swing? I love this season, it's so beautiful.  
 Dog walks in the autumn

After months of recall training, Alice the greyhound has proved herself to be very good at responding to commands and as a result is able to spend a bit more time off-lead.  Greyhounds instinctively love to run and giving her the opportunity to do it for fun, rather than for so-called sport, is lovely. This week she's been having great fun chasing squirrels (she never catches them, they always run up a tree) and running through the woods. 

Morning walk through the village

I've also got a great view of the park from my bedroom window.  The tree with the golden leaves is actually in our garden, but the trees beyond are just over the fence in the park. I'll miss this view when we move house next year.

2. A leisurely lunch

We had the opportunity to have lunch at a restaurant which is new to us, the George and Dragon in Altrincham.  We like Altrincham, it's good for shopping and Tatton Park stately home and Dunham Massey park are always good for a visit.

I asked Tall Daughter if she'd like to invite her very nice but incredibly quiet boyfriend along to have lunch with us. I thought it might be easier to interrogate him chat over a relaxed lunch as he always seems very shy when he comes to the house,

It's a funny business, getting to know your daughters' boyfriends because one of the things you want your children to do is to choose someone who will treat them, and as a parent you really want to like them - I mean, how awkward would it be if you didn't? Fortunately for me both of my girls have made sound choices (so far) in the boyfriend department.

The lunch was delicious, there was plenty of choice - including several vegetarian options - and the food was freshly made and very tasty. Service was very good and we were made to feel welcome, and the quiet and relaxed atmosphere made it easier to get to know TD's boyfriend a bit better.  A very enjoyable lunch.

George and Dragon Altrincham

George and Dragon Altrincham

George and Dragon Altrincham

3. Time off 

Last week I made a last minute decision to take this week off work. I haven't worked in a school for two years now, and I miss having the half-terms off.  I don't really need them as much now as my daughters are old enough to look after themselves, but still, it's nice to occasionally plan some time off.

Of course, The Teenager is at uni so yesterday we made a little road trip to visit her.  Even though she's a very confident girl and was sure she wouldn't miss being at home she admitted that she had started to feel a bit homesick recently so a well-timed visit from us was a little boost for her, plus Tall Daughter hadn't been to Sheffield before and was keen to see where her sister was living now.

If the weather is good, the drive to Sheffield includes a very pleasant route through the Peak District - what a beautiful place, the scenery is just stunning.  Unfortunately, the weather wasn't great yesterday and we only saw a few glimpses of the spectacular views, hopefully Tall Daughter will see its real beauty another time. I'd love to spend some time there, maybe on a walking holiday.  It's on my list!

What have you been up to this week?  Have you been away this half-term, or are you spending time at home?

Wednesday, 28 October 2015

Loneliness doesn't happen overnight


Did you read this recent story about 95 year old Bill Palmer?

Bill rang his local radio station to talk about his loneliness. His wife has dementia and now lives in a care home, and Bill talked with heartbreaking candour about how his everyday life is 'hell'. He took a pragmatic approach, saying:

"I listen to the radio and watch TV and have lots of friends, but unfortunately when you get old people don't visit - that's life."

It was heartbreaking to read but as you might expect and hope for, thousands of people got in touch and offered him friendship, phone calls, lunch dates and real warmth.  It's always reassuring to see how the public respond to stories like this, and we've heard plenty of them before, and for a little while it restores our faith in human kindness.

We all feel lonely at some point or another, but loneliness like Bill's doesn't happen overnight. No-one goes from having a close, loving circle of friends and family to being completely alone in an instant.  It's a very gradual process, taking place over many years.  Friends move away, parents are no longer around, children grow up and leave home, relationships end, marriages break down, social lives dwindle.  There might be some depression or anxiety  involved, financial worries, or maybe a house move that results in the loss of a friendly community or neighbour, until gradually we find ourselves a little more isolated than before.

Well meaning people might say things like 'join a club' or 'take up a hobby' which is good advice on paper, but ironically loneliness can make it difficult to make those vital connections with others. Spending too much time on your own can result in losing social skills or the confidence to use them, and so it becomes a vicious circle, and lonely people - by fearing further rejection - can feed into their own isolation by keeping a distance from others.  How often do we hear the phrase 'they keep themselves to themselves' about someone, when I'll bet they're lonely and crying out for company.

Nobody wants to admit to being lonely, and therein lies the rub.  It takes a very brave person, like Bill, to put into words what it's like and although he got a such a wonderful response, in most instances saying 'I'm lonely' makes people feel very uncomfortable.

There's a real stigma to admitting it, because it feels like you've done something wrong. It means you haven't been able to sustain a relationship well enough, or have failed to make friends or nurture the ones you've had. Friendships are reduced to the occasional text or Christmas card, or a sincere but effortless 'happy birthday' message on your Facebook wall.  Have a read of this beautifully written blog post by Mother in the Middle, if it doesn't make you want to send real, handwritten birthday cards to everyone you know, nothing will.

Loneliness isn't contagious, but it is an epidemic is in this country.

There are several national campaigns to end loneliness in the UK, which are quite rightly aimed at isolated older people, but loneliness isn't the preserve of the elderly and may be closer to home than you think.

As I said, it doesn't happen overnight and I reckon we all know someone who is already on that slippery slope, but doesn't feel brave enough admit it.  Think about the people in your own life who you suspect are a bit lonely and let them know you care. It doesn't have to be a grand gesture - a simple phone call might be a good start.  It could make all the difference.


The Campaign to End Loneliness

Age UK's Help End Loneliness


How to help a lonely older person

How to cope with loneliness

Monday, 26 October 2015

Trying to get a good night's sleep

Trying to get a good night's sleep

I've always been a good sleeper. When I was a child I used to enjoy the sensation of falling asleep, still do, and I can still fall asleep very quickly, but for the last few weeks my mind has been whirring and I'm having lots of wide-awake moments in the middle of the night (why is it always 3.30am?) and I'm not getting a full night of good quality sleep.

When I wake in the night, it's like BANG I'm wide awake and there will be a song playing on repeat in my head. Just recently it's been Queen of Peace by Florence and the Machine which, considering she has a voice like a foghorn, seems a bit ironic really.

Added to that, I've been having some back problems which is making the sleep issue even more difficult.

To try and resolve it and find some answers to why I'm sleeping badly, I'm having a bit of help from a Silentnight's sleep expert. I know, I didn't know there was such a thing either but there is.

After completing a sleep diary and questionnaire, I had my first session with Dr Nerina, a couple of weeks ago, and it wasn't quite what I was expecting. Sure, it started off as I imagined it would with questions about my quality of sleep, sleep routine, nutrition and how much caffeine I drink (too much tea apparently) and I picked up some tips on how to get a good night's sleep:
  • Avoid using technology at least an hour before going to bed.  It can make the brain too stimulated;
  • Reading a book in bed will help you to relax before going to sleep;
  • If you have things on your mind, jot them down in a journal. Putting pen to paper can help to clear a busy mind;
  • cut down on caffeine from lunch time onwards. If you can't go without a cuppa try decaff for a change;
  • Put a few drops of lavender oil on your pillow. The scent helps to calm the mind and induce sleep;
  • Invest in a good quality mattress and check for signs of wear . If yours is older than 7 years it might be time to get a new one;
  • don't keep your phone next to your bed, it's too tempting to check it during the night; 
  • Instead of using your phone as an alarm, buy an old-fashioned alarm clock and keep the phone downstairs, or at least away from the bedside table;
  • if you wake during the night, don't  check the time. Instead, try a breathing technique to get back to sleep: Kundalini breathing is particularly good for a wired mind and body. Sit up straight in bed, pucker your lips as if holding a 10p coin, breathe in forcefully through the lips, exhale through the nose. Do this for one - two minutes;
  • Create the perfect sleep environment. Make your bedroom tranquil, calm and free from clutter, junk and technology. You should never bring your work life into the bedroom – make it a technology free zone.
Then it took an unexpected turn. She thought, from my answers and sleep diary, that I was "running on empty" and asked me, "So, who looks after you?"

I wasn't expecting that, and honestly didn't know how to respond, but I suppose it's something many parents are guilty of, and single parents are probably even worse.  When there's only you doing everything it's very easy to be swept up in the busyness of life, and fall into the trap of not looking after yourself. There's always something that needs doing, or someone else to take care of, and looking after Number 1 is usually way down on the To Do List.

After establishing that my self-care is pretty minimal, Dr Nerina thought I should concentrate more on paying more attention to myself and my own needs. It's strange to hear a stranger, to all intents and purposes, say that you need to put yourself first, and consciously think about making some life changes.  "It takes energy to change direction" she said.  I've thought about that a lot since our session, and she's right, it does take energy (and courage) to change direction, but I suppose you also need to know which direction to take.

While I'm thinking about that, I'm going to be making a few smaller changes, and hope to see an improvement in the quality of my sleep,  I'm going to be making some of the changes suggested by Dr Nerina, including decluttering and tidying my bedroom which I think will also help.  I'll be writing about that later this week.

Disclosure: this is part of a collaboration with Silentnight, but words and opinions are my own.

Friday, 23 October 2015

Are you brave enough for the Home of Halloween?

Blackpool Tower Dungeon

Halloween is much more of a thing these days isn't it?

At the risk of showing my age, when I was little Halloween was a fun event consisting of toffee apples, apple bobbing, carving pumpkin lanterns, and telling ghost stories while someone made whoo-whoo noises in the background.  Sadly, I don't think that's enough to keep today's children satisfied, they want more (fake) blood and gore and they want to be scared! Where has this thirst for horror come from I wonder?

When my girls were little they were obsessed with going Trick or Treating, which has become hugely popular over the past few years. And now, that American influence of celebrating Halloween is spreading over here and it seems to be getting bigger each year.  As soon as the summer holidays are over the shops seem to be full of Halloween outfits and masks and macabre decorations. We have a local, organised Halloween walk around the village, and some of our neighbours really go to town on decorating their houses for the night. Later on there's also a Monsters' Ball, but for older children it's probably a bit tame. 

For older kids and adults, going to a Halloween event is the thing these days and both of my teenagers are keen to go to one - and the scarier the better!  

Blackpool Tower Dungeon 'After Dark' event
The Blackpool Tower Dungeon, experts in scaring the bejaysus out of willing victims customers, will play host to the Home of Halloween family experience this month, complete with over 800 pumpkins, a host of characters, electrifying special effects and stories.

"Join our cast of horribly hilarious characters as you embark on a journey of mischief and mayhem. Meet the Witch Finder General and mysterious witches before being accused of a terrible ‘witchy’ crime, plus take a ride on our ‘for those who dare’ drop ride for a real thrill".

Suitable for children aged eight and over, and maybe adults who don't do the scary stuff (like me!) this sounds more treat than trick.  

For the more daring, there's also a spine-chilling After Dark event, strictly for over 18s, where you get to be chased around in the dark and scared witless.  I was invited to go along but I'm a scaredy cat I politely declined.  

Whatever you do this Halloween, have fun and stay safe. 

Blackpool Tower Dungeon

Disclosure: this post was written in collaboration with the Blackpool Tower Dungeon

Saturday, 10 October 2015

If I could escape

This is a bit of an unsettled time for me. I'm can't go into details here, but there are a lot of things going on in the background right now that are making me feel very unsettled and agitated, and I seem to have a head full of conflicting thoughts and ideas, constantly whirring with an ongoing internal dialogue as I try to resolve the different issues, getting nowhere fast.

It's all making me very tired and irritable, and I really really need a break from it all.

I watched Into the Wild the other night, a true story about a man who decides to leave everything behind to live in isolation in the Alaskan wilderness. It was a bit of an odd film but it really got me thinking about escaping from it all, and daydreaming about selling up, buying a camper van and driving off into the sunset.

Many years ago I talked about doing that very thing: I decided that when I retired, I would buy a motor home and spend a couple of years travelling around the UK visiting all of the places I'd always wanted to see. And in all honesty, right now, that dream has been reawakened.

This feeling of being unsettled isn't new, I've talked a lot recently about moving away and making a new start and maybe this is all part of that. It's probably no coincidence that my new favourite blog is Us In a Bus, about a family of six who live in a bus and have spent the last two years touring New Zealand. Seriously, I don't know how they do it but they have four boys under the age of 10 and still manage to make it work. Truly inspirational stuff, I'm so envious.

So surely it's got to be easy for a lone woman and her dog to do it? I've already had a word with Alice, and she's up for it.

We all have dreams of doing something crazy (or is it just me?) but this one is seriously taking up a lot of my thinking time right now.  But, but... of course there is planning involved, and  boring financial details, and even the practicalities of can I actually do it.  

I've already got a sketchy idea of how to afford it (sell house, invest in small flat to come back to when life on the road loses its appeal, rent the flat off in the meantime and live off the rental payments).  Maybe it's just a dream, but I'd love to give it a go if even for a short while.

Of course at the moment I still have responsibilities here, including the small detail of a teenage daughter who wants to stay put so she can start college next year. So I have some time before I could even consider doing it, but that's planning time, right? Turning this crazy plan into reality? Or realising that I really am completely mad and haven't got a hope in hell of surviving more than a week on the road.

I don't know, maybe I am mad for thinking it could work, but in the meantime I'm enjoying daydreaming about it and plotting my escape.

Do you think I'm crazy or do you fancy it too? Where would you escape to?

Friday, 2 October 2015

Season of mists and mellow fruitfulness

SEASON of mists and mellow fruitfulness,

Close bosom-friend of the maturing sun;

Conspiring with him how to load and bless

With fruit the vines that round the thatch-eaves run;

To bend with apples the moss'd cottage-trees,
And fill all fruit with ripeness to the core;

To swell the gourd, and plump the hazel shells

With a sweet kernel; to set budding more,

And still more, later flowers for the bees,
Until they think warm days will never cease;
For Summer has o'erbrimm'd their clammy cells.

                 ~ Ode to Autumn, John Keats

I love autumn, and love it even more when there's an Indian summer. I can't believe we're already in October and the weather is so warm.

I've been out and about with Alice this week, trying to capture a bit of autumn colour and we've had some stunning sunsets, bright sunshine and misty mornings, a real mixture.  I love the light in autumn, and the long shadows caused by the sun being so low in the sky.  I wonder if the blood moon (which I slept through!) had anything to do with the amazing sunsets that followed?

Of course autumn means Strictly Come Dancing is back on the telly, which is good enough for me, I love a bit of Saturday evening light-entertainment.  I've never understood the snobbery about it, if it's done well then why not enjoy it?

One of my earliest memories is watching Come Dancing at my grandparent's.  Come Dancing was the precursor to Strictly and was very popular in the 60s and 70s and whenever I went to stay with Nan and Granddad it was always a treat to stay up late to watch it. Happy memories.














Are you planning anything this weekend?  Tall Daughter has asked if we can go for a walk on a beach somewhere, so that's a definite plan, and I think it's soup-making season again. You can't beat homemade soup with crusty bread.  Have you seen the trailer for the The Intern? I like Nancy Meyers' films so that's on my weekend list too.

Whatever you're doing this weekend, hope it's a good one.