Monday, 28 February 2011

How To Embarrass Your Teenager

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If you're lucky enough to have a teenager in your household, or you can't wait for those interesting teenage years then I have a little something for you.

Together with my lovely friends Bubblecow (not his real name) and Caroline we've found some easy ways to embarrass your teenager. Yep, we've done all the work for you so you don't have to.  No need to thank us, really.

Just so you can see how well you're doing, there are points allocated to each activity. 
  1. Lick their face (don't ask),  iPod or mobile phone (1 point each);
  2. Do any of the above in front of the teenager's friends (an extra 2 points);
  3. talk to their friends (1 point);
  4. kiss your teenager in front of their friends (3 pts);
  5. leave 'funny' comments on your teenager's Facebook page (1 pt);
  6. post photos of your teenager looking happy with their family (1 pt);
  7. tag your teenager in said Facebook photos (2 pts);
  8. ask your teenager if they have a boyfriend/girlfriend yet (1 pt) and if you can manage to do this in front of other people you can add another 2 pts;
  9. use words like cool, groovy and wicked (2pts);
  10. try talking street, or even better, gangsta (3pts) and if you can do it in front of their friends add an extra 3 pts you deserve it;
  11. when talking to your teenager litter your conversation with LOL, ROFL and OMG (2 pts)
  12. use punctuation when texting your teenager (1 pt);
  13. when driving, beep your horn and wave at passing friends (1 pt);
  14. when driving, beep your horn and wave at teenager's friends (2 pts);
  15. when dropping off teenager at friends house, get out of the car and talk to their friends (2 pts);
  16. tell them your best jokes (2 pts);
  17. refer to your teenager's friends as 'nice boys/girls' (1 pt) and on no account describe them as 'respectful'  (2pts) or 'a potential son/daughter-in-law' (3 pts);
  18. dance in the kitchen to your favourite song (1 pt);
  19. dance at a social event in front of your teenager (3 pts);
  20. dance at a social event in front of your teenager's friends (5 pts);
  21. sing along to the radio (1 pt);
  22. learn the words to your teenager's favourite song, then sing along to it whilst driving the car with your teenager and friends in the back (5 pts)
  23. if you can learn the wrong words to the song, even better, award yourself an extra 2 pts.
There are quite a few points available but you need to be scoring upwards of 22 points to be reaching the required embarrassment factor.  If you are scoring 28+ points you are well on your way to being a real embarrassment to your teenager, and a credit to parents everywhere.  Well done!

If you have any other tips about the best ways to make your teenager hate you, do leave a comment and share your words of wisdom. We're all ears.